Pancake Day 2013 – coming soon

The pancake bureaucrats have decided that pancake day this year is on February 12th.   Of course some people may suggest to you that it is more to do with the full moon on March 27th.

l am not against science but think we need to allow room for imagination and wonder…

. . so I for one am going to still believe in bureaucrats.

If James Bond can go into space then so can Shrove and Mardi, there again Moonraker was a bit crap.
New Years Resolutions 2013 Snakes

A legless Horse

To celebrate the forthcoming year of the snake, here is a black and white photo of a horse without any legs.

I apologise for anyone who was hoping to see a horse under the influence of too much alcohol but what sort of sick person wants to see that?

Legless horses are rubbish at showjumping, but on a positive note are perfectly safe to stand behind if you are worried about horse kicks.


Limerick Limericks Written on Odd Things New Years Resolutions 2013

Other Uses of Toilet Paper

To help save the planet why not use toilet paper twice? Just make sure that it is used for its traditional purpose after using it for your new purpose not before…

Note : Using diagonally helps with long lines.(Also Ice cream should not be seen as an aid to self defence.)



Coming Soon – The Year of the Snake

As a snake is the only animal to crawl around the earth without any legs* I have decided to celebrate this year I would see what the chinese zodiac signs (and maybe other animals) would look like without legs.

Just for balance here is what a snake would look like with legs…

Snakes with legs would get very annoying with their persistent running around shouting "Can I tempt anyone here with some apples?"

* Except for slugs snails and worms. Probably more accurate to say the only vertebrates without legs**

**Apart from eels, maybe the only reptiles without legs***

*** Apart from slow worms

Link to further information about the Chinese zodiac snake

Dragons New Years Resolutions 2012

Chinese Zodiac – The Rabbit

If you were born in the year of the rabbit then you really need to get some therapy to get your hormones under control. We all like a bit of friskiness every so often but there is such a thing as going too far. Put some ice on it and calm down by choosing a hobby such as embroidery.

Rabbits are not masters of disguise and look like rabbits whatever their disguise. It probably explains why rabbits do not make good spies.
Dragons New Years Resolutions 2012

Chinese Zodiac – The Tiger (v1)

According to legend a great banquet for the animals was held by god. The rat deceived the cat telling the cat that the banquet would be the day after. the cat overslept, missed the banquet and a place in the zodiac. However the tiger is part of the zodiac representing the cat family, although cats have been trying to sneak into the zodiac ever since…

People born in the year of the tiger are rare, and may find their genitals are useful for chinese medicine.

Tigers are very rare, I think this must be an even rarer white tiger based on the lack of orange colouring. It is hard to be sure underneath the very cunning dragon disguise.
Dragons New Years Resolutions 2012

Chinese Zodiac – the Ox

According to the Chinese Zodiac Kate Beckinsale is bovine. Female cattle are renowned for having splendid udders so this is probably a sort of sexist compliment…

Udders touching the ground could be a sign of being born in the year of the ox, or alternatively it could just be the effect of gravity over the years.
Dragons New Years Resolutions 2012

Chinese Zodiac the Rat

Am a bit behind in posting them however I am pleased to report I achieved one of this years new resolutions (Chinese Zodiac signs disguised as dragons). Shall post the last few over the next few days…

People born in the year of the rat* tend to carry life threatening plagues such as black death and Weil’s disease. there again they do work with scientists helping them find cures for all sorts of other diseases so on the whole they probably are good for health.

Apparently you are only ever 6 metres away from the nearest person born in the year of the rat. This makes the rat very much like f*****g Starbucks that seems like you are only ever 6 metres away from.

rat and cheese
If you find a sudden urge to run through mazes in search of cheese it is likely your chinese zodiac sign is the rat

*approximately 1960 + 12n where n is an integer unless you are born in January maybe then you have to look in wikipedia the fount of all knowledge.