Etiquette New Years Resolutions 2013

Bar Etiquette

Last friday we were entertained by some impressive vomitting at our local bar. Particularly interesting was that the drunk person who had sprayed vomit over quite a large area then stood around until it was suggested quite forcefully (in pure Yorkshire) that he ought to get to the toilets before he made any more mess of our immediate surroundings… I did wonder though whether he might have just been trying to make friends with us but found the language barrier too much.

etiquette vom

New Years Resolutions 2013 Snakes

The Dragon Snake

So another New Years Resolution completed (one out of the three). To celebrate here is a legless dragon limerick:

A dragon does not really need limbs

And if he heads to the sea and then swims

It helps build his muscles

Then he’ll win knightly tussles

And its cheaper than joining most gyms

Such dragons are often called sea serpents and tend to fight those knighted for services to the navy


New Years Resolutions 2013 Snakes

The Hissing and Slithering Rabbit

Rabbits are famous for their speed and mating ability. Although a legless version is not as quick, luckily carrots have not yet evolved legs and legless does cannot get away from bucks so quickly. These animals are remarkably lucky despite their lack of paws (after all since when has a lucky paw ever been lucky for the rabbit it was cut from?)

If snakes looked more like rabbits ophidiophobia would probably only affect carrots
New Years Resolutions 2013 Snakes

The tiger snake

If sharks can come in tiger varieties it is only right that snakes do too. It is thought that Tiger snakes live in Australia (see However tigers tend to live in India so I think the Australian idea is a bit unlikely…

Snake snake! Burning bright, in the forest of the night...
New Years Resolutions 2013 Snakes

The legless bull

Things that make people so angry they sit around and moan but do not actually do anything are like a red rag to a legless bull. These are magnificent creatures and easy to run away from if used in some sort of running of the bulls festival.

If you run a china shop and want a pet bull this is probably your best choice.
New Years Resolutions 2013 Snakes

More legless animals – The rat

It has been a while coming due to the distance from where the computer lives and the neares scanner (over 10 metres). However here is a rat that without legs has managed to get round the maze and get to its cheese…

The friend of the lazy rat catcher (although unlikely to follow piping musicians in Hamelin)
New Years Resolutions 2013 Snakes

Limbless Pig

Legless pigs evolved as a result of mans desire for ham. As ham is so tasty pigs with smaller legs survived and passed their genes onto the next generation until a breed of pig evolved that could not be used for ham.

These pigs can be still used for bacon, until they evolve into backless and bellyless pigs
Etiquette New Years Resolutions 2013

Shanghai Metro Etiquette

It is well known in the civilised world that you should let people get off a train before you get on. This system works particularly well on the London Underground in the main.

In Shanghai as far as I can see it is considered impolite to leave a metro, how dare you not want to stay on the glorious fast expanding modern metro system. It is for this reason that no one under any circumstances will let anyone get off the metro.

At least the metro is one place where spitting is not allowed (nor "jumping into the tunnel")
New Years Resolutions 2013 Snakes

Dogs Missing Body Parts

Dogs with no noses are famous for their comedy value. Less well known is the following joke:

Man* 1:My dog rolls around in stinking refuse

Man 2: How does he smell

Man 1: With his nose

Incidentally the “no nose joke” was the most popular out of a range of unfunny jokes such as:

Man 1: My dog has no liver

Man 2: how does he detoxify his blood and synthesise proteins?

Man 1: Badly

And the one most relevant to snake like dogs…

Man 1: My dog has no legs

Man 2: How does he run?

Man 1: Awfully

These dogs can be easily trained, but they take the command “heel” to be a bit insensitive.

(* Women would not waste their time with crap jokes**)

(** Not when there are jobs around the house to do)

New Years Resolutions 2013 Snakes

A Cocky Tribute to the Year of the Snake

This creature has evolved to counter predators who are addicted to chicken drumsticks.

Being legless it wakes you up every morning but there is little point trying to chase it away.