Last friday we were entertained by some impressive vomitting at our local bar. Particularly interesting was that the drunk person who had sprayed vomit over quite a large area then stood around until it was suggested quite forcefully (in pure Yorkshire) that he ought to get to the toilets before he made any more mess of our immediate surroundings… I did wonder though whether he might have just been trying to make friends with us but found the language barrier too much.
So another New Years Resolution completed (one out of the three). To celebrate here is a legless dragon limerick:
A dragon does not really need limbs
And if he heads to the sea and then swims
It helps build his muscles
Then he’ll win knightly tussles
And its cheaper than joining most gyms
Rabbits are famous for their speed and mating ability. Although a legless version is not as quick, luckily carrots have not yet evolved legs and legless does cannot get away from bucks so quickly. These animals are remarkably lucky despite their lack of paws (after all since when has a lucky paw ever been lucky for the rabbit it was cut from?)
If sharks can come in tiger varieties it is only right that snakes do too. It is thought that Tiger snakes live in Australia (see http://www.australianfauna.com/tigersnake.php). However tigers tend to live in India so I think the Australian idea is a bit unlikely…
Things that make people so angry they sit around and moan but do not actually do anything are like a red rag to a legless bull. These are magnificent creatures and easy to run away from if used in some sort of running of the bulls festival.
It has been a while coming due to the distance from where the computer lives and the neares scanner (over 10 metres). However here is a rat that without legs has managed to get round the maze and get to its cheese…
Legless pigs evolved as a result of mans desire for ham. As ham is so tasty pigs with smaller legs survived and passed their genes onto the next generation until a breed of pig evolved that could not be used for ham.
It is well known in the civilised world that you should let people get off a train before you get on. This system works particularly well on the London Underground in the main.
In Shanghai as far as I can see it is considered impolite to leave a metro, how dare you not want to stay on the glorious fast expanding modern metro system. It is for this reason that no one under any circumstances will let anyone get off the metro.
Dogs with no noses are famous for their comedy value. Less well known is the following joke:
Man* 1:My dog rolls around in stinking refuse
Man 2: How does he smell
Man 1: With his nose
Incidentally the “no nose joke” was the most popular out of a range of unfunny jokes such as:
Man 1: My dog has no liver
Man 2: how does he detoxify his blood and synthesise proteins?
Man 1: Badly
And the one most relevant to snake like dogs…
Man 1: My dog has no legs
Man 2: How does he run?
Man 1: Awfully
These dogs can be easily trained, but they take the command “heel” to be a bit insensitive.
(* Women would not waste their time with crap jokes**)
(** Not when there are jobs around the house to do)
Being legless it wakes you up every morning but there is little point trying to chase it away.