To celebrate St George’s day why not relive the legendary tale by killing an endangered species just to impress a member of the royal family.
If you cannot find an endangered species make a dragon by traning a gecko in the art of firebreathing, then fight it to impress somene who is clearly in a better social class than you, you total utter pleb.
If you were born in the year of the rabbit then you really need to get some therapy to get your hormones under control. We all like a bit of friskiness every so often but there is such a thing as going too far. Put some ice on it and calm down by choosing a hobby such as embroidery.
Rabbits are not masters of disguise and look like rabbits whatever their disguise. It probably explains why rabbits do not make good spies.
According to legend a great banquet for the animals was held by god. The rat deceived the cat telling the cat that the banquet would be the day after. the cat overslept, missed the banquet and a place in the zodiac. However the tiger is part of the zodiac representing the cat family, although cats have been trying to sneak into the zodiac ever since…
People born in the year of the tiger are rare, and may find their genitals are useful for chinese medicine.
Tigers are very rare, I think this must be an even rarer white tiger based on the lack of orange colouring. It is hard to be sure underneath the very cunning dragon disguise.
According to the Chinese Zodiac Kate Beckinsale is bovine. Female cattle are renowned for having splendid udders so this is probably a sort of sexist compliment…
Udders touching the ground could be a sign of being born in the year of the ox, or alternatively it could just be the effect of gravity over the years.
Am a bit behind in posting them however I am pleased to report I achieved one of this years new resolutions (Chinese Zodiac signs disguised as dragons). Shall post the last few over the next few days…
People born in the year of the rat* tend to carry life threatening plagues such as black death and Weil’s disease. there again they do work with scientists helping them find cures for all sorts of other diseases so on the whole they probably are good for health.
Apparently you are only ever 6 metres away from the nearest person born in the year of the rat. This makes the rat very much like f*****g Starbucks that seems like you are only ever 6 metres away from.
If you find a sudden urge to run through mazes in search of cheese it is likely your chinese zodiac sign is the rat
*approximately 1960 + 12n where n is an integer unless you are born in January maybe then you have to look in wikipedia the fount of all knowledge.
If you are the type of person with a small pointy beard, you often walk up mountains, you are also incredibly horny it is likely you were born in the Chinese year of the goat…
The goat holds the record for being the animal with the most puns associated with it (e.g. anything involving butts, horniness, beards, getting your goat, kidding around etc.)
People born in the year following the year of the dragon are born in the year of the snake. Characteristics of such people are that they crawl around on their bellies and speak with a forked tongue (but contrary to popular belief they are not slimy).
Amazingly this snake made his dragon mask himself which is no mean feat for someone without any hands.
Chinese New Year is fast approaching. I did wonder what year of the dragon was all about, I wondered if every 12 years China is visited by a plague of fire breathing lizards. This morning I think my suspicions were proved to be true when I woke up to find this at the end of my bed…
This dragon is about 6 inches long. It eats mosquitos and other small insects, can be trained to breathe fire on request and hence makes the perfect pet for smokers who live in tropical places.