The Alternative Universe of Commentators…

I particularly was taken with the Annie Get Your Gun style comment during the Leeds v Oldham penalty shootout…

“Anything you can do <slight pause while you can hear pundits brain cogs turning> I can do exactly the same”

It doesn’t fit the tune as well but maybe to encourage less bickering and more harmony in the world it is a better version of the song…

Anything you can do,
I can do exactly the same
I can do anything
The same as you.

Yes you can.
I know I can. So do I.
Yes, you do. You do too.
Yes, I do,
So do I!

Anything you can be
I can be too.
Sooner or later,
I’m the same as you.

Yes, you are. Yes, I am.
I know you are. So do I.
You are the same!. Yes, I am.
Yes, I am!

We can shoot a partridge
With a single cartridge.
We can get a sparrow
With a bow and arrow.
We can live on bread and cheese.
And only on that?
Yes.
So can a rat!
Any note you can reach
I can reach too.
I can sing anything
The same as you.
Yes you can. (High)
Yes, I can. (As high) Yes you can. (Higher)
Yes, I can. (As high) Yes you can. (Higher)
Yes, I can. (As high) Yes you can. (Higher)
Yes, I can. (As high) Yes you can. (Highest)
Yes, I CAN! (Equal Highest)

Anything you can buy
I can buy for the same price.
I can buy anything
For the same price as you.

Fifty cents?
Fifty cents! Thirty cents?
No fifty cents! So you can!
Yes, I can,
Yes, I can!
Anything you can say
I can say as softly.
I can say anything
As softly as you.
Yes you can. (Softly)
Yes, I can. (As soft) Yes you can. (Softer)
Yes, I can. (As soft) Yes you can. (Softest)
Yes, I can. (Equal softest)
YES, I CAN! (Full volume)
I can drink my liquor
Faster than a flicker.
I can drink it as quick
And get equally sick!
I can open any safe.
Without bein’ caught?
Sure.
That’s what I thought–
You crook just like me!
Any note you can hold
I can hold as long.
I can hold any note
As Long than you.

Yes you can
Yes, I can. Yes you can.
Yes, I can. Yes you can.
Yes, I can
Yes, I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I Yes, you C-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-N–
(Cough, cough!)
Maybe you caaan’t!

Anything you can wear
I can wear too.
In what you wear
I’d look just like you.
In my coat?
In your vest! In my shoes?
In your hat! Yes you can!
Yes, I can
Yes, I CAN!
Anything you say
I can say as fast.
I can say anything
Equally as fast as you.
I’m sure you can. (Fast)
Yes, I can. (As Fast) I know you can. (Faster)
So do I. (As Fast) So do I. (Fastest)
So do I! (Equally Fastest)
I can jump a hurdle.
I can jump a hurdle.
I can knit a knit one too!
I can do most anything!
Can you bake a pie? Yes.
So can I.
Anything you can sing
I can sing as sweetly.
I can sing anything
As sweetly as you.
Of course you can. (Sweetly)
You know I can. (As Sweet) You know I know. (Sweeter)
You know I know you know I know. (As Sweet) Yes I know you know i know. (Sweeter)
Yes, I do. (As sweet) And you can (Sugary)
Yes, I can, can, can (As Sugary)