Is there nothing paper cannot achieve? i would never have thought of using it to make bath mats out of, its enough to drive one to poetic thoughts…
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The Paper Bath Mat
Category: New Year Resolutions 2011
Is it a fish or is it a dog, is it a fishdog? No its a dogfish. Some crazy people think dogfish are a type of shark but I think it is a close cousin of a beagle…
It is said that if a dogfish wags his tail in the South China Sea it can cause good surfing in Newquay. This is a known as the Dogfish Effect and is a key concept in Chaos Theory.
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Stairs
You can go up them and down them, how amazing is that?
Stairs…
Oh glorious thing that is the flight of Stairs A method of getting higher by your feet Lifts can get stuck and a person their odour shares So the reliable method of ascent isn’t beat. So be happy and rejoice when it’s time to ascend Be ecstatic and merry afterwards when you go down It is joyous whether going up or descend Especially after getting ready to hit the town. But it has to be said that some stairs go too high And accidents occur on them when you have to shift And stairs get harder to manage as time goes by And you then have to invest in a Stannah Stair lift. But without more storeys more space we’ll take Without stairs man will spread out like a pancake. ~
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Octopussy
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Toilet trouble
An attempt at a more italian style, the volta is the point at which i have given up and have lost my enthusiasm for fiddling with a cistern and dripping pipe…
We had no flush in our upstairs toilet The problem was not too hard to discern We needed a new part in the cistern A job not hard that we thought should be met Even though the property is one that’s let So repairs aren’t something we have to turn But toilet function I did actually once learn But this repair i would like to forget It would be nice to be mended for spring But I think it will be broken till summer It is very possibly the most recent thing That has now made me feel somewhat dumber Maybe I should just to the phone now swing And let it be done by an expert plumber
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January’s baby boom
After a multi species new years eve party the following love children could well have been born this month…
7th Frog
10th Platypus
11th Sparrow
12th Opossum
13th Mocking Bird
14th Robin
15th Humming Bird
16th Queen Bee
17th Hamster
18th Dove
19th Musky Rat Kangaroo
20th Lemming
21st Mouse
22nd Rat
23rd Gerbil
24th Duck
25th Tick
26th Macaw
27th Flamingo
28th Axolotyl
29th Muskrat
30th Swan
31st Rabbit
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The Pordile
When a porcupine mates with a crocodile the resulting animal looks like this…
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Flu, colds
Colds come and make you blow your nose
They make you cough and make you sneeze
Tiredness from your head to your toes
As you breathe in you find you wheeze
Its the curse of dark winter days
Micro invaders make you feel so grotty
Viral attacks in this annual dark phase
They make throats burn and noses quite snotty
It’s true that lemsip will try its best
Paracetemol Ibuprofen assist
Days off work in bed having a rest
And maybe another day’ll be missed
So now I’ll say this loud and quite bold
Damn you foul winter and damn you cold
Health and Safety Disclaimer :
1) Don’t mix lemsip with parecetemol (lemsip is disgusting anyway so I’d just go for paracetemol)
2) Don’t do that joke about why are there no aspirin in the jungle (because the parrots ate em all)
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DeodeRANT
An Ode to a deoderant (a deODEerant) that turned to a rant about deoderant (a deodeRANT). Summing up the dilemma of rollon or aerosol…
Each morning I’ll use some deoderant, After rising showering and then shaving, If we were all far less considerant, We could each month all then find we are saving, I’ve found that maybe the most hassle free way, Is not to use roll on under my armpits, I’ve found it best to apply with aerosol spray, As the wet underarms just get on my tits, But there are problems when using the spray can, I’ll not know when the spray’s gone and no more, And what is the dose useful for one man? Fifteen centimetres away can I be sure? This dilemma has got me to now think, Damn that foul deoderant let us just stink.(MC Jan 2011)
