Categories
Doodles

Alec Baldwin the twit(terer)

One of the more unpleasant ramifications of the phone hacking scandal in the UK is Alec Baldwin pontificating via twitter

“Cameron should resign. England is FILLED with people who could do a better job.”

It was kind of him to say this about me and my fellow citizens (but obviously he doesn’t think the Welsh or Scots are as worthy – maybe Gordon Brown is a case in point). However he is an actor inhabiting a make believe world most of the time which I think spills into his everyday life, hence his often odd views of reality.

Also shouldn’t he quit since I think America is filled with people who could act better?

Anyway I thought I would find out the views of more performing tarts…

First Cherry Bakewell

Cherry Bakewell believes that it is crazy to invest in defence, education and health when government tart funding has been cut

Custard Tart shares his views…

Custard Tart thinks Alec Baldwin should be PM of England(sic) as he knows so much more than people who actually live there

And finally a rustic Lemon Tart (the sort in the tart shop that you wonder quite what it is)…

Lemon Tart thinks everyone is stupid apart from Tartists, and that businesses should be banned as they cause all the evil in the world and the money saved from not having to have business and commerce can be put into the tarts
Categories
Lessons New Year Resolutions 2010

Some Final September Lessons (20th – 30th September)

Due to the realignment of posting due to possible quiz issues, here is a mega posting of lessons learnt at the end of September…

Monday

Al Capone was called Alphonse

Tuesday

There are 2618 toilets in the new Wembley.

Wednesday

A hydrogen atom doubled in size 120 times would cover the visible universe. An A4 sheet of paper only requires to be doubled 90 times. Charlie Chaplin once came 3rd in a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest.

Thursday

The deathcap is the most common cause of fungus poisoning and destroys the liver and kidneys.

Friday

The root of the deadly nightshade is the most toxic, yet rabbits can eat deadly nightshade without any problems.

Saturday

Three members of the Capulet household are named in Romeo and Juliet but are not characters in the play.

Sunday

Ed is younger than David Milliband, I never really took an interest in the Labour leadership…

Monday

I learnt that if a network has vertices IABCDO order 1,3,3,3,3,1 such that the adjacency matrix is (010000)(101100)(010110)(011010)(001011)(000000), and the start is at I. If left and right are chosen at random the probability of exiting at O rather than I is 3/5

Tuesday

Around the world in 80 days won an Oscar.

Wednesday

I learnt that page 11 on the AQA formula books is where you will find the binomial distribution formula if you have not learnt it!

Thursday

I learnt what a picoscope looks like. Tomorrow I may try to find out what one does, or measures!

Categories
Limerick

Is Ed The Red Under The Bed?

Whatever the political persuasion it is good to have a strong opposition party. To celebrate the new labour party leader I decided against a painted plate and opted for limerick instead…

So its the Milliband who is known as Ed,
Who is now UK’s most senior red,
As he tries to avoid schism
Within british socialism
Lets hope that his party’s well led

Penultimate May Lessons

Monday

I learnt about the process of radio therapy and its possible side effects.

Tuesday

I learnt that my great great great….great grandfather was a sea squirt, and so was yours. If you cannot admit it you are truly are a spineless individual (unless creationism is correct)

Wednesday

I learnt where the A level maths exam is being held and how long it takes to draw a map. And that it means a missed train when I do. I also now know Aardman Animations were involved in the Sledgehammer video

Thursday

Delia Smith made the cake for the Rolling Stones album cover, Let It Bleed

Friday

For some reason during Korean elections people dance for their chosen candidates. I personally like the policies discussed in this political debate…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0OgRr9y8fA

but my vote may well go to

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVTjrjf0Di8&feature=related

Saturday

There is a Brazilian Grill in the O2

Sunday

First Great Western not only run on what was once called Gods Wonderful Railway but they apparantly have the worlds first on-train entertainment system (a bit like on planes)



More lessons to learn around the Maypole (10/5 – 16/5)

Monday

The axolotl never grows up and will not undergo metamosphosis in its natural state. However a cheeky iodine injection can make its balls drop and bring it into an adult form.

Tuesday

The Oxford English Dictionary since 1911 has incorrectly dephined a siphon as something that moves liquid using atmospheric pressure. (Gravity has been doing all the work and getting none of the credit).

Wednesday

Today was the first day that I could picture Nick Clegg in my mind, without needing to see a picture of him. More useful is probably the knowledge that Van Helsing’s first name was Abraham.

Thursday

The RSPB was set up to protect the great crested grebe. Also parakeets have set up home and living in the UK wild and free from BNP politicians.

Friday

Nick Clegg once burnt a professor’s cacti when an exchange student in Germany at the age of 16 and had to do community service.

Saturday

In cricket if the ball hits a helmet on the way to a boundary you score 5 runs only, you do not score 9 (5+4). I knew about the 5 runs but was not sure about whether like wides and no balls you would get a further 4. Also Boobby McFerrin’s voice is the only sound you here on a certain track of his, no instruments. So “Don’t worry, be happy”.

Sunday

Until today England had never won an ICC world cup of any type. Now they have won one. I found out the name of the Schengen agreement, which is suprisingly the Schengen agreement. I also found out what Montgomery Glands are.

Lessons for Election Week

Monday

I was told two jokes one with the punchline Wong and one with the punchline Dragon Lips. Neither are particularly PC but the last one is particularly not PC. Also discovered an efficient method of raffle ticket folding. Also in the ICC twenty20 five overs is enugh for a game.

Tuesday

Spam was named as it contains pork and ham (and is jokingly referred to as “something that poses as pork and ham”). Yet another “cat poo” coffee fact, it is pronounced coo-pee loovuck (not Loowak).

Wednesday

This is becoming coffee obsessed, but today i found out how freeze dried coffee is made. Bet its not as nice as Kopi Luwak. I did leanr too that Tottenham will be part of this years top 4 who have champions league fun to look forward to. (Avoiding election news).

Thursday (General Election Day)

I was going to avoid any political lessons for this week (I had already read manifestos etc so got all that out of my system). However today i learnt that you are not allowed to wear a rosette to the polling station when casting your vote. You can get totally drunk and wasted before you vote though.

Friday

Today I learnt that there is a consitutional procedure when a general election ends up in a hung parliament.

Saturday

I found out that a nurdle is a plastic pellet as well as something a batsman can do in cricket. Also Joseph is Michael Jackson’s middle name, although I should have noticed this earlier.

Sunday

Louise Redknapp’s maiden name is Nurding.

Categories
Limerick

Proportional Representation

For those who are confused with PR,
It involves deals being done in the bar,
And we can all vote,
For any old goat,
And we can kiss decision making ta-ta.
Categories
Limerick

Hung Parliaments

Our parliament is now well hung,
After the last one had taken a bung,
So noone has won,
Which is no fun,
Lets replace them with hot steaming dung.
Categories
Limerick

General Erection* Eve

So there’s about to be an election,
And our MPs are up for selection,
Armed with soundbite,
Sounding quite trite,
With policies that sound bland on inspection.

* typo