The Oscar cermony is full of glitz, But somehow just gets on my tits, Their pretentiousness may,
Cause me to say, Get a proper job you poncy gits.
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Author: mc
I have just had a nice lazy day, Which was perfect in every way, I had a very nice dinner, Cottage pie was a winner, But Monday fills me with dismay.
Monday – Cheating husbands are less intelligent than those that do not cheat. Ashley Cole, John Terry should take note you dirty dogs
Tuesday – Bambi was Austrian
Wednesday – Invertase is the enzyme used to make soft centres in sweets. Apparantly comes from yeast, or Saccharomyces cerevisiae as noone knows it by.
Thursday – A63 paper is hard to come by (as is A62). This is due in part to A63 paper being smaller than a single carbon atom
Friday – Edgar Dijkstra came up with the Bankers Algorithm
Saturday – In finger spelling the left hand is the vowels. Also Jurassic park was full of non Jurassic dinosaurs.
Sunday – Hush Puppy boxers should be washed at 30 C, the shortest gestation period of a mammal is 12-13 days (Virginian Opposum and Yapok). As if I had not learnt enough, I also found out that flour can be useful when making a cottage pie.
The flamingo dances well, he may be the best dancer yet
But don’t you try and join him or else you will get wet
My brain made me suddenly alert, That its monday and I had no ironed shirt, So I ironed three, Then stopped for some tea,
Any more and the boredom would hurt.
(this can be repeated with the word Thursday or friday, and lines 3/4 replaced with “So I ironed one/ Then off to work I did run”)
Monday – Berol fibre tipped pens can survive for 14 days without their cap on, unlike some of my students.
Tuesday – Found out how to sort out a rogue US keyboard impersonator on a PC (one of those things I possibly should have known already)
Wednesday – The patron saint of mathematicains job shares his work with being the patron Saint of hunters, opticians, metalworkers and used to be involved in rabies curing. Saint Dismas the patron saint of criminals only seems to have the one job…
Thursday – I learnt an immature trick with a Casio scientific calculator (a sort of modern version of the 5318008 = boobies one). (.)A(.) then move the cursor back to the A and you have your very own
Friday – When decomissioning a nuclear missile you deal with the warhead first
Saturday – Marmite have developed an extra strong version due out in early march
Sunday – Stick insects have become naturalised in Devon and Cornwall
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Sleepless in Toy Town
There was a man trying to sleep, Counting an unbelievable number of sheep, He had to count more, As his housemate did snore*, It would make a lesser man give up and weep.
*Its not obvious which of them
Monday – I probably could have worked it out but the Rocky Horror Picture Show is apparantly has the longest release of any film. Certainly any film with a transvestite in it.
Tuesday – The Great Britain (essentially Scottish) mens curling team are at present the world champions
Wednesday – Eleven plus two is an anagram of twelve plus one (and equal) / Also it is apparantly national nest box week (??)
Thursday – I learnt the UK will have an extra bank holiday in 2012 to celebrate the queens diamond jubilee
Friday – You can train a dog to obey the command “bonky bonky” (less messy if its a bitch). I also learnt at last which way Flamingos legs bend. (or had what I thought was the case confirmed)
Saturday – Asparagus cup of soup definately contains asparagus (as tested by someone with “asparagus wee”)
Sunday – A pint of Sailor Jerry’s is equivalent to 568.26ml and would cost Andy the discoverer of the worst model of the human heart £25 approximately in a pub.
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Me Being Ill / Dan Being Ill
I woke up last night not feeling well, My stomach ache i couldnt quell, So I lay in my bed, I rested my head, But was sweaty and hot and now smell.______________________________
There was a man who was ill, And with vomit he did the sink fill, The sink never flushes, His sick covered toothbrushes, Except one left on the window sill.
I often wondered what a shrove was…
I now know it is a pancake eating creature looking something like this…
And I think he is good friends with someone called Mardis Gras…