* typo
Categories
General Erection* Eve
So there’s about to be an election,
And our MPs are up for selection,
Armed with soundbite,
Sounding quite trite,
With policies that sound bland on inspection.
Category: Limerick
Within 7 days of producing the last limerick, I must produce another. No pressure!
Categories
“Cat Poo” Coffee Time
To have a palm civet is apparantly good luck,
If you want coffee that costs quite a buck,
You collect its poo,
And from that make a brew,
And savour some kopi luwak.
Categories
Hindsight man
Power of Hindsight man the future he’ll see,
And is someone that i’d like to be,
Along with foresight fox, An opportunity knocks, To lend my powers out for quite a fee.
Categories
Goodbye IB Students
So its goodbye to my lovely IBs, My time with them has been such a wheeze, It’s been a pleasure, Thats quite hard to measure, Lets hope their exams are a breeze.
Categories
The witch in the east
There was a mad witch in the east, Who on gossip and slander did feast, I hope she turns green With a ruptured spleen As she’s munched on by a rabid beast
Categories
Hippo Dung (The Rancid Harpy)
Its not often you see Hippo Dung, Maybe in a zoo or a place that’s far flung, Tho some think its great, Its something I hate, It leaves a nasty taste upon my tongue.
There was a sexy and young x-ray fish
Who had a peculiar wish
He wanted a beard
Not thinking it weird
He thought that it would look quite swish
Not thinking it weird
He thought that it would look quite swish
~~~~~~
There was a yellow xanthareel Who ate peanuts with every meal He’d have them with chips Carrots peas and parsnips The protein did probably appeal~~~~~~
There was a xeme that lived in the artic Whose conjuring was fantastic He could with no fear Make polar bears disappear And follow up with a neat slick card trick
Categories
Animals U-Z (apart from X)
U
There once was an umbrella bird Whose dancing was strange and absurdBut to dance was his choice As he found his voice In the rainforest just could not be heard
V
There once was a friendly young vole Who had a friend who was a lovely young mole They liked to play cricket Vole would defend the wicketAnd mole would have the ball and then bowl
W
There once was a gigantic whaleWho splashed passers by with his tail All the people he met Got awfully wet His behaviour was beyond the pale
Y
There once was a hairy old yak Who carried small kids on his back One kid was so rude And spoiled his mood So with his hoof he gave him a hard smackZ
Categories
Animals P-T
P
There once was a pig from the eastWho was a remarkable beast
With his snout he would snuffle
Until he found a truffle
Which he would then cook for part of a feast
Q
There once was a wise little Quail Whose intelligence would never fail He was logical And philisophical Through lifes little problems he’d sailR
There once was a randy old rabbitWho had quite an unbearable habit While nibbling grass He’d find a does arse And then hop up to her and then grab it
S
There once was a slithering snake Who was slender and as thin as a rake He decided thatHe’d rather be fat So he decided to eat only cake
T
In the sea there lives a creature called myrtle Who is a fine lady leatherback turtle She rarely swims fast She often arrives last But if there is chocolate around she will hurtle
Categories
Animals K-O
K
When you are fighting a kangaroo There is a strategy that you must do Most experts sayYou should run away
After sticking his tail with some glue.
L
It is often said of the llamas,That they look better when in their pyjamas,
They like to be seen,
Wearing fluorescent green,
And biting the bottoms of farmers.
M
There is a peculiar thing about mice,They have a strange and unique rodent vice,
They like to eat snails,
And fried earwig tails,
With a side salad and chicken fried rice.
N
There once was a great crested newt,Who was handsome and dashing and cute,
He liked to do sums,
Using fingers and thumbs,
But square roots he found hard to compute.
O
Of all the apes the orangutan Is the one of which I am a fan With its orange hair And its cute little stare I’d like to see one whenever I can