Category: Limerick

Within 7 days of producing the last limerick, I must produce another. No pressure!

Categories
Limerick

Animals F-J

F

There once was an old sweaty fox
Who was ill when he caught chicken pox
Was it a hen he ate?
Or maybe just fate?
Or a disease from his damp smelly socks?

G

There once was a baby giraffe
Who was age one and a half
With a silly walk
Or the way he did talk
He would make other animals laugh

H

There once was a sneaky young horse
Whose jokes contained plenty of sauce
When in the mood
He would be so rude
And use language that was rather coarse

I

There once was a green iguana
Who decided to live in Guyana
That was until
He moved to Brazil
To make friends with a sexy pirhana

J

There once was noisy jackdaw
Who had chewing gum in his left claw
He had chewed it a bit
And then threw a fit
When he found he was stuck to the floor
Categories
Limerick

Animals A-E

A

There once was a long nosed young aardvark,
Who was not quite so happy in the dark,
But during the day,
He would jump and play,
And dance in a skirt made of bark.

~~~~~~~~~~~

B

There once was a fat little bee,
Who decided to fly to the sea,
He lay in the sun,
Ate an ice bun,
Which was perfect with his cup of tea.

~~~~~~~~~~~

C

There was such a mysterious cat,
Who lived a happy life in Montserrat,
He refused to diet,
If it was food he’d fry it,
He didn’t exercise and so he grew fat.

~~~~~~~~~~~

D

There once was a small dopey dog,
Who liked to play down by a bog,
He would get all dirty,
Then terribly flirty,
With a dainty cute sexy young frog.

~~~~~~~~~~~

E

In the sea there lived an electric eel,
Who troubled anyone who would feel,
If you gave him a knock,
You would get a huge shock,
And your skin would then blister and peel.

Categories
Limerick

The manipulative tart

There was a lady who made people sore,
As around her they did more and more,
And all the while,
She’d just sit and smile,
That lazy manipulative whore.
Categories
Limerick

Modern Medusa

There once was a medusa who could,
Turn a man into stone where he stood,
Nowadays cameras,
When pointed at actors,
Can turn some of them into wood.
Categories
Doodles Limerick

When Aliens Land and Steal All The Men…

There will come a time soon I think when,
Some will take pity on us nagged ones and then,
Some kind beings benign,
Who will treat us quite fine,
Will come to Earth and rescue all of the men.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then ladies will have to open their own jars,
As we have fun up amongst all the stars,
You’ll be forgotten,
Missing us something rotten,
And you’ll then have to then park your own cars.

alien invasion

Categories
Limerick

If Edward Lear had written Sonnets…

Instead of…

There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said ‘It is just as I feared! –
Two Owls and a Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!’

Maybe He would have wrote…

There was a Man with a very long beard,
That grew not only long but ever so bushy
Who said “It’s dreadful and just as I feared! –
My life is so annoying and not at all cushy
Two Tawny Owls and a Speckled Red Hen,
Nine Black Head Gulls and six little Sparrows
Four noisy Larks and a sweet little Wren,
Eight Canadian Geese and two tiny Swallows
And finallly a coinfident red chested robin
Have all come to stay and all built their nests
In my beard causing my chin to be throbbin’
They are really nasty annoying pests
So I will at last let my beard be shorn
Will sleep much better when its quiet at dawn“

Which leads me to conclude…

There was an old man called Lear
Whose limericks some people hold dear
In the form of  a sonnet
The extra lines on it
Would make the rhyme sound somewhat queer
Categories
Limerick

Taunton and Somerset People

There was a young man from Taunton,
Who was clever and witty and fun,
Thats what you get,
In green Somerset,
Inspiration within everyone.
Categories
Limerick

Horses running around and jumping over things then doing it all over again for a second time unless they unseat their riders or break a leg and have to be put down aka The Grand National

So again it is Grand National day,
Soon the horses will be on their way,
Many will falter,
On the jumps and the water,
And gamblers will lose half their pay.
Categories
Limerick

The Beatles, a scientific critique

Sung four young men from liverpool,
“All you need is love” and they were cool,
But there again,
Forgetting oxygen,
Would only be done by a fool.
Categories
Limerick

Lazy Trees (Can’t be arsed to grow leaves. They stand around all naked in winter then stand around in the summer months, they should get a job)

In Toy Town there are many trees,
Its spring but they still have no leaves,
When I’m out for a walk,
If to these plants I would talk,
I’d tell them to grow green shoots please.