Categories
Doodles

A Damsel in Distress and a Damson in a Dress

If you find you are having difficulty working out the difference between a Damsel in distress and a Damson in a dress there are a few things you can look for to determine which is which:

  • Damsons tend to have a bigger waistline
  • Damsels will be showing more stress, damsons do not tend to worry about anything
  • Damsons taste fruity, Damsels taste fishy
  • Damsons live in trees, Damsels live in towers
  • Damsels usually are hairy, if a Damson is hairy then it is probably a peach

Just to help here are some photos of both…

princess in distress
If only a fashion expert in shining armour could rescue this princess from her dilemma. Should she wear boots or glass slippers to the ball?
Bigger waist, less hair, more fruity than fishy but a lot less high maintenance.
Bigger waist, less hair, more fruity than fishy and a lot less high maintenance.
Categories
Doodles

DRS and Snicko

Wouldn’t it be nice if the cricket video umpire tools DRS and Snicko were actually controlled by owls…

Doctor S and his sidekick Snicko
Doctor S and his sidekick Snicko
Categories
Chinese Doodles

Mandarin secret 1: How to remember Subject + Verb + Noun

I am far better at getting Chinese words in the correct order than learning the actual words, so I am going to share some of my memory secrets. The first is how to remember the order Subject Verb Noun.

I always think of Subject as a type of squirrel, Verb as a sort of owl and Noun as a dragon like creature with short trunk like an elephant.

As squirrels like nuts, owls like eating small rodents that eat nuts, dragons with trunks pick up the nuts, roast them and give them to villagers in return for princesses and damsels.

Using elementary  graph theory techniques we can consider each type of word as having a degree of separation from a nut. Subject 1, Verb 2, Noun 3. So by remembering squirrel, owl, dragon with a short trunk, the word order is easy to deduce.

Subject squirrel, Verbowl and the Dragnoun
Subject squirrel, Verbowl and the Dragnoun

 

Categories
Doodles Events Flags Lessons

Olympic Excitement

If you love the four times table, the Olympic Games (not the cold one) is the sporting occasion for you.*

I was interested in the fact that the Olympic rings are meant to represent all the colours on any flag of the world.

For example that great Olympic country Russia has a flag that is red white and blue, represented by the red ring, the blue ring and the white background. Here highlighted in pharmeceuticals and faecal brown…

 Citius - Altius - Fortius or Medicament - Occulto - Condono?
Citius – Altius – Fortius or Medicament – Occulto – Condono?

 

*or the Euros if you are not English

Categories
Uncategorized

Catchphrase Idea

Here is an idea for the classic quiz show, a phrase I find myself saying only too often…

Say what you see...
Say what you see…

And the solution… something we all should agree with.

No more f'ing meetings
No more f’ing meetings
Categories
Minutes of meetings

Meeting Minutes

Although I have not posted any meeting minutes for a while, 开会 is if anything more of a popular pastime in China than it ever was in the UK. Here are my notes from todays meeting…

Interesting fact: Samsung Phones english translation of chinese translation of bollocks came up with "Albanian Nonsense"
Interesting fact: Samsung Phones english translation of chinese translation of bollocks came up with “Albanian Nonsense”
Hedgehogs are mild creatures but even they can get angry when you waste their time.
Hedgehogs are mild creatures but even they can get angry when you waste their time.
Categories
Events

Happy Gin Day

It is a busy time, not only are there 90th birthday elebrations for the Queen, but also it is World Gin Day. This is good news, as Her Majesty likes a bit of Gin. Here is my recipe for a perfect Gin Martini :

60cl Gin

0cl Vermouth

Stir the Gin gently with ice and serve with as many olives as possible (and for a treat stuff them with blue cheese)

And to celebrate the Queens 90th, here is my birthday limerick dedicated to her…

A nonagenarian monarch from Windsor
Said “Knight I want a large gin sir”
He said “Isn’t it time for your bed?”
She said “Guards! Off with his head”
But due to the European convention on human rights enshrined into UK law, he got away with it

Happy Gin Day Brenda
Happy Gin Day Brenda

 

Categories
Events

Happy St George’s Day

st fonze2

To celebrate St George’s day why not relive the legendary tale by killing an endangered species just to impress a member of the royal family.

If you cannot find an endangered species make a dragon by traning a gecko in the art of firebreathing, then fight it to impress somene who is clearly in a better social class than you, you total utter pleb.

Hope you have a good one.

Categories
New Years Resolutions 2016 Non furry animals

Are stellar slugs responsible for many of the worlds problems?

I have noticed several things are in a state of decay and have been busily attempting to find a decent scientific explanation. I have some to the conclusion that the most likely explanation is that it is due to the existence of space slugs emitting a corrosive influence to everything that they come into contact with.

This alien slug has evolved to cover everything with her radioactive slime.
This alien slug has evolved to cover everything with her radioactive slime.
Categories
Horses New Years Resolutions 2014

Rams Showjumping

During the year of the horse it would be good if other animals took over a horses duty. Rams in particular enjoy a spot of showjumping.

Ram of the Year Show 2014
Ram of the Year Show 2014