Month: February 2010

Last 7 Educational Moments of February (22nd to 28th)

Monday – Berol fibre tipped pens can survive for 14 days without their cap on, unlike some of my students.

Tuesday – Found out how to sort out a rogue US keyboard impersonator on a PC (one of those things I possibly should have known already)

Wednesday – The patron saint of mathematicains job shares his work with being the patron Saint of hunters, opticians, metalworkers and used to be involved in rabies curing. Saint Dismas the patron saint of criminals only seems to have the one job…

Thursday – I learnt an immature trick with a Casio scientific calculator (a sort of modern version of the 5318008 = boobies one).  (.)A(.) then move the cursor back to the A and you have your very own

Friday – When decomissioning a nuclear missile you deal with the warhead first

Saturday – Marmite have developed an extra strong version due out in early march

Sunday – Stick insects have become naturalised in Devon and Cornwall

Categories
Limerick

Sleepless in Toy Town

There was a man trying to sleep,
Counting an unbelievable number of sheep,
He had to count more,
As his housemate did snore*,
It would make a lesser man give up and weep.

*Its not obvious which of them

7 days and 7 lessons 15/02/10 – 21/02/10

Monday – I probably could have worked it out but the Rocky Horror Picture Show is apparantly has the longest release of any film. Certainly any film with a transvestite in it.

Tuesday – The Great Britain (essentially Scottish)  mens curling team are at present the world champions

Wednesday – Eleven plus two is an anagram of twelve plus one (and equal) / Also it is apparantly national nest box week (??)

Thursday – I learnt the UK will have an extra bank holiday in 2012 to celebrate the queens diamond jubilee

Friday – You can train a dog to obey the command “bonky bonky” (less messy if its a bitch). I also learnt at last which way Flamingos legs bend. (or had what I thought was the case confirmed)

Saturday – Asparagus cup of soup definately contains asparagus (as tested by someone with “asparagus wee”)

Sunday – A pint of Sailor Jerry’s is equivalent to 568.26ml and would cost Andy the discoverer of the worst model of the human heart £25 approximately in a pub.

Categories
Limerick

Me Being Ill / Dan Being Ill

I woke up last night not feeling well,
My stomach ache i couldnt quell,
So I lay in my bed,
I rested my head,
But was sweaty and hot and now smell.

______________________________

There was a man who was ill,
And with vomit he did the sink fill,
The sink never flushes,
His sick covered toothbrushes,
Except one left on the window sill.
Categories
Doodles Events

Shrove and Mardis Gras

I often wondered what a shrove was…

shrove

I now know it is a pancake eating creature looking something like this…

mardis gras

And I think he is good friends with someone called Mardis Gras…

Categories
Limerick

Chinese New Year (Year of the Tiger Beer)

When celebrating chinese new year,
I like to crack open a beer,
I’ll make mine a tiger,
Stay clear of the cider,
And drink several until I feel queer*.

* nothing to do with sexual orientation

Lessons for Valentines day week…

Apart from being a time to reflect on appalling treatment by ex-gfs and how they don’t deserve you etc etc (not really, I didn’t deserve them)  I have learnt the following excellent things this week…

Monday – Ser is Polish for cheese, one of the many things I learn during my monday maths teaching

Tuesday – I found a way of making a happy/sad queen banknote. Also one thing I learnt is that the idea “there is always one exception to a rule” is self defeating, as there must be  an exception to this rule rendering it useless (which it is anyway). Also the exception to everyone being unique has to be 2 or more people…

Wednesday – unfortunately forgot what was going to go in here first as I decided to do an anti-valentines day rant! Did learn however there is no v in the polish alphabet (although there is a strange letter lingering around l in their alphabet that seems to do the same job. Incidently also learnt experimentally what I knew academically that ranting is counter-productive)

Thursday – I found that a ten pin bowling shape USB device aimed at the frustrated single male sells for $300 but that an alternative can be made from a nintendo game glove, and some wet sponge

Friday – Dorset has no Motorways, something I sort of knew before but had never really thought about

Saturday –  You can actually get ginger hair dye. Apparantly the ginger one in sex and the city isnt a natural ginger. Also Kim whats it (the non shoe faced blond) is in Bath being theatrical at the moment

Sunday – You can get pyjamas with hoods

Categories
Limerick

Valentines Day Limerick

No chips on my shoulder btw…

Its February and everythings fine,
Until Sunday will cause me to whine,
It just gets in the way,
Of our pancake day,
That irritating St Valentine
Categories
Events

The Alternative Universe of Commentators…

I particularly was taken with the Annie Get Your Gun style comment during the Leeds v Oldham penalty shootout…

“Anything you can do <slight pause while you can hear pundits brain cogs turning> I can do exactly the same”

It doesn’t fit the tune as well but maybe to encourage less bickering and more harmony in the world it is a better version of the song…

Anything you can do,
I can do exactly the same
I can do anything
The same as you.

Yes you can.
I know I can. So do I.
Yes, you do. You do too.
Yes, I do,
So do I!

Anything you can be
I can be too.
Sooner or later,
I’m the same as you.

Yes, you are. Yes, I am.
I know you are. So do I.
You are the same!. Yes, I am.
Yes, I am!

We can shoot a partridge
With a single cartridge.
We can get a sparrow
With a bow and arrow.
We can live on bread and cheese.
And only on that?
Yes.
So can a rat!
Any note you can reach
I can reach too.
I can sing anything
The same as you.
Yes you can. (High)
Yes, I can. (As high) Yes you can. (Higher)
Yes, I can. (As high) Yes you can. (Higher)
Yes, I can. (As high) Yes you can. (Higher)
Yes, I can. (As high) Yes you can. (Highest)
Yes, I CAN! (Equal Highest)

Anything you can buy
I can buy for the same price.
I can buy anything
For the same price as you.

Fifty cents?
Fifty cents! Thirty cents?
No fifty cents! So you can!
Yes, I can,
Yes, I can!
Anything you can say
I can say as softly.
I can say anything
As softly as you.
Yes you can. (Softly)
Yes, I can. (As soft) Yes you can. (Softer)
Yes, I can. (As soft) Yes you can. (Softest)
Yes, I can. (Equal softest)
YES, I CAN! (Full volume)
I can drink my liquor
Faster than a flicker.
I can drink it as quick
And get equally sick!
I can open any safe.
Without bein’ caught?
Sure.
That’s what I thought–
You crook just like me!
Any note you can hold
I can hold as long.
I can hold any note
As Long than you.

Yes you can
Yes, I can. Yes you can.
Yes, I can. Yes you can.
Yes, I can
Yes, I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I Yes, you C-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-N–
(Cough, cough!)
Maybe you caaan’t!

Anything you can wear
I can wear too.
In what you wear
I’d look just like you.
In my coat?
In your vest! In my shoes?
In your hat! Yes you can!
Yes, I can
Yes, I CAN!
Anything you say
I can say as fast.
I can say anything
Equally as fast as you.
I’m sure you can. (Fast)
Yes, I can. (As Fast) I know you can. (Faster)
So do I. (As Fast) So do I. (Fastest)
So do I! (Equally Fastest)
I can jump a hurdle.
I can jump a hurdle.
I can knit a knit one too!
I can do most anything!
Can you bake a pie? Yes.
So can I.
Anything you can sing
I can sing as sweetly.
I can sing anything
As sweetly as you.
Of course you can. (Sweetly)
You know I can. (As Sweet) You know I know. (Sweeter)
You know I know you know I know. (As Sweet) Yes I know you know i know. (Sweeter)
Yes, I do. (As sweet) And you can (Sugary)
Yes, I can, can, can (As Sugary)

Categories
Limerick

My tribute to Radio 2 type music

There was a young man with a song,
Which would last him his whole life long,
But the song was absurd,
And it  shouldn’t be heard,
Thus proving the Carpenters wrong

[i.e you should worry if you create a song that is not good enough for anyone else to hear especially if it has lots of children going lalalalala]