Rate my chicken breasts

This hen is simply the breast

There used to be a time when a hen would get angry at anyone looking at her breasts. These days though it is “empowering” and many hens will get theirs out while maintaining a feminist outlook.

Doodles Events

The Olympic Opening Ceremony for Aiden Burley

The opening ceremony was clearly full of left wing propoganda –  Aidan Burley said so himself. With a minor tweak or two though it could have been so much better…

1) Instead of the segment celebrating social media and a night out…

An MP gets ready for a stag night by hiring a friend a nazi uniform (after submitting expense claim) before letting the world know on twitter (See Cameron sacks ‘foolish’ MP)

2) Instead of dancing nurses and the NHS bit…

Churchill and the Iron Lady dancing to Dizzee Rascal

Victoria’s Secret

It is a famous American lingerie retailer but what is Victoria’s Secret?

Victoria has something for everyone...
Chinese Doodles

Upside down doodling while drinking beer

Whilst in my local and wonderful bar (188 bar, Wu Dong Lu, Shanghai) I drew some animals so that Cockney Vicky (from Sichuan Province) could learn the important animals in english and I could learn the important animals in mandarin. Just to add to the excitement I had already had a few beers and was drawing the animals upside down. (The colouring was done later after more beer, a vodka and a gin and tonic).

The bottom corner incidently is a tribute to possibly the weirdest student I have ever had and is the chinese for hungry…

The digestive system according to Tom. Meat goes in and carbon dioxide comes out (in his case probably as one of his extra loud burps)
Chinese Doodles

399th Post : 我的蘑菇

(Note: AWB is the Association of Welsh Brothels)

398th Post : Dr Dolittle

I confess I have never read the book or seen any of the films. However today I was privileged to witness one of my chinese students (Tom) trying to pretend he had read the book for a book report. When I asked what was special about Dr Dolittle and animals he replied “He was their dentist”.

Who can honestly say they have never wanted to floss a tiger?


To be a dentist to the animals, just imagine it
Extracting wisdom teeth from a chimpanzee
Imagine descaling for a tiger, polishing for a cheetah
What a neat achievement that would be.

If we could check all the animals, prevent gum diseases
Remove stains caused by drinking tea.
We’d study elephants enamel, buffalo and beagle,
And charge them all quite a hefty fee.

We would do root canals for polar bears,
And we could do a crown for a kangaroo.
If people asked can we do a crown for a rhinoceros,
We’d say, “Of courserous, can’t you?”

If we could be a dentist to the animals, give them fillings
Drain any tooth abscess of puss
If we could cure all the animals, protect their enamels,
Brush and floss all the teeth of the animals,
And they could smile with minty fresh breath to us.


397th Post : Football

Its football tournament time again, that time that comes round every 2 years (but occasionally every 4 years on those occasions England fail to qualify).

It turns out that I was deceived, from my scan of the UK media I had read that England were the worst football side ever. Last Saturday morning (China time) it was evident apparantly England are still capable of winning matches in tournaments. Even without Rooney. So it was worth staying up till 5am to watch England beat Sweden, to celebrate here are three lions…

We are going to score one more than you (as long as you are Sweden and not Spain, Italy, France, Germany, etc.)

And in the next game Shrek returns…

Chinese sometimes dont get my accent so I drew a picture to demonstrate the concept of Wayne Rooney
Doodles Limerick

Not very profound things…

As a tribute to the very peculiar t-shirts I have seen here in Shanghai with odd scribbled animals (and odder slogans) – I have decided to do a few very quickly scribbled animal based not very profound statements…

The sun cat had a big surprise
Ultra violet beams came from both of his eyes
He used his powers
To feed all the flowers
And to zap biting insects and flies
The magnificent and fine Sparrow King
Is a bright colourful feathered thing
He’ll outshine a rainbow
And put on a fine show
But is tuneless so don’t let him sing
The mouse loves to look up at the stars
And planets like Venus and Mars
But when Hedgehog chose
A beautiful rose
The mouse went straight home to find a nice vase


Queens Diamond Jubilee

Unfortunately I have had to miss the merriment and days off in my native UK but thought I would do my bit from China (but only quickly as it is getting late…)

God save the Queen, Rule Britannia, Chicken Tikka etc

The Cultural Government

Had a lovely time last Saturday when in a bar with some VIPs from the cultural government. They may have annoyed the bar staff, they may not have paid for any drinks but they did show us their cultural side…

1) Music

They love nothing better than to take a classic chinese song and massacre it as they try to expel their larynx over the mic

2) Art

One of the party decided to do an installation of his own all over a toilet cubicle…

Maybe a tribute to Anton Henning’s “Meatballs, Gherkins, Beetroot, Potatoes, Watermelon, Lemon Juice, Riesling, and Large Brownie” [1]

3) Dance

A very contemporary dance for 3 male dancers, one in the middle with his trousers down symbolising how the western economies were caught out by the economic crisis


My friend from Yorkshire not being so cultured insisted they were just a bunch of disgusting arrogant drunks.

[1] see