Author: mc

More June Facts (7th – 13th)

Monday

Zhuji City in China is responsible for 30% of the worlds sock production

Tuesday

In South Korea it is commonly believed that sleeping with an electric fan on is a risky business and the news often reports on “fan death” incidents. According to the rest of the world this is merely an urban myth.

Wednesday

Electric Eels are techincally not eels, they have more in common with catfish.

Thursday

Elephantitus technically would be inflammation of the elephant. The actual disease that gives you legs of some magnitude is elephantiasis.

Friday

Mexico let in the first goal of this years World Cup, but also let in the first goal ever in a World Cup. Morocco incidently were the first African side to get a point in a World Cup. Until today No team had defended 104 or lower in a Twenty20 game anywhere in the world. Today Somerset did!

Saturday

Today I learnt that at the time of the Rorke’s Drift it was impressive if you could fire three shots in a minute.

Sunday

The Ghana national football team are known as the Black Stars, presumably a reference to the national flag.

Categories
Limerick

Big Brother

There once was a programme on 4,
That was such a tedious bore,
There’ll be no other,
Series of Big Brother,
Thank goodness this shite is nor more.

…

It usually involved a housemate
Who the others would always berate
We’d hope some had nookie
And we’d bet at the bookie
For the winner who I’d always hate

…

So its come to this one last boring time
That a bunch of good for nothing slime
Will live everyday
In the same way
It really is a televisual crime
Categories
Limerick

Bekantan

(Indonesian Version)

Alkisah ada seekor bekantan,
Asalnya dari Kalimantan,
Bentuk hidungnya mesum,
Tapi baunya harum,
Lebih harum dari ratu selatan.

(English Version)

There once was a proboscis monkey,
That in Kalimantan you could see,
He had a rude nose,
But smelt like a rose,
Unlike the Queen of the South who was smelly.
Categories
Limerick

Washing in the Rain (How Grown Men Wet Their Pants)

Its exciting listening to the rain,
Tho a thought has come into my brain,
Its not quite so fine,
For washing on the line,
That will have to be washed yet again.

Do We Learn Anything in June? Of Course We Do (1st-6th June)

Tuesday

Today I clarified what the batsman scores in cricket if the fielder catches the ball and touches the boundary (or crosses). As I thoought logically it is a six.

Wednesday

I found out that not only is Keifer Sutherland not at all american (canadian more like) he was born in London.

Thursday

World cup squads must have 3 keepers who are not allowed to play anywhere else but in goal. North Korea have only named 2 keepers and have a striker who is only allowed to play goalkeeper instead of a third keeper. The chuckle brothers have won both opportunity knocks (in 1967) and new faces (in 1974).

Friday

Yesterday was  Fronleichnam, a holiday in some parts of Germany, mainly catholic parts. It is the feast of corpus christi or the “Solemity of the Most Holy Body and Blood of Christ”

Saturday

Cricket is becoming more popular in France, and in France you can be out jdg (jambe devant guichet). Incidently French cricket is probably not played in France.

Sunday

In the final episode of the final series of 24 the clock counts from 3 to 0 indicating the end of some sort of era probably.

Categories
Limerick

A Salutary Tale of Culinary Woe

Sometimes I do think that I,
Need to ask myself why,
I do things that are silly,
Like touching chilli,
Then rubbing myself in the eye.
Categories
Limerick

Practical Survival Tip Particularly Suited to the Very Paranoid

If you do not want to be dead,
From a piano landing onto your head,
You’ll never stand,
Where the piano will land,
If you don’t get up and stay in your bed.
Categories
Limerick

Practical Advice For the Extraction of a Refrigerated Item

The first stage is to cross the floor,
Then you need to open the door,
Look till you find
The thing on your mind
Close the fridge firmly to be sure

This method has been tested on a blob of marmitey cheese and does indeed work

Categories
Limerick

Practical Advice For Those Who Think Food Presentation is so Vital

If you want to have fish that looks nice,
First rub the skin with plenty of ice,
So it won’t tarnish,
Paint it with varnish,
And serve with a spoonful of rice.
Categories
Limerick

Practical Advice For Men Who Have Ever Been Told That They Are Too Nice

Inspired by all the ladies who claim they love honesty etc. before going for the “exciting” neanderthal

When there’s a lady to woo,
This is the best thing to do,
Dont be charming,
She’ll find that alarming,
Just act like you’ve come from the zoo.