I often wondered what a shrove was…
I now know it is a pancake eating creature looking something like this…
And I think he is good friends with someone called Mardis Gras…
When celebrating chinese new year,
I like to crack open a beer,
I’ll make mine a tiger,
Stay clear of the cider,
And drink several until I feel queer*.
* nothing to do with sexual orientation
Apart from being a time to reflect on appalling treatment by ex-gfs and how they don’t deserve you etc etc (not really, I didn’t deserve them) I have learnt the following excellent things this week…
Monday – Ser is Polish for cheese, one of the many things I learn during my monday maths teaching
Tuesday – I found a way of making a happy/sad queen banknote. Also one thing I learnt is that the idea “there is always one exception to a rule” is self defeating, as there must be an exception to this rule rendering it useless (which it is anyway). Also the exception to everyone being unique has to be 2 or more people…
Wednesday – unfortunately forgot what was going to go in here first as I decided to do an anti-valentines day rant! Did learn however there is no v in the polish alphabet (although there is a strange letter lingering around l in their alphabet that seems to do the same job. Incidently also learnt experimentally what I knew academically that ranting is counter-productive)
Thursday – I found that a ten pin bowling shape USB device aimed at the frustrated single male sells for $300 but that an alternative can be made from a nintendo game glove, and some wet sponge
Friday – Dorset has no Motorways, something I sort of knew before but had never really thought about
Saturday – You can actually get ginger hair dye. Apparantly the ginger one in sex and the city isnt a natural ginger. Also Kim whats it (the non shoe faced blond) is in Bath being theatrical at the moment
Sunday – You can get pyjamas with hoods
Categories
Valentines Day Limerick
No chips on my shoulder btw…
Its February and everythings fine, Until Sunday will cause me to whine,
It just gets in the way, Of our pancake day, That irritating St Valentine
Categories
The Alternative Universe of Commentators…
I particularly was taken with the Annie Get Your Gun style comment during the Leeds v Oldham penalty shootout…
“Anything you can do <slight pause while you can hear pundits brain cogs turning> I can do exactly the same”
It doesn’t fit the tune as well but maybe to encourage less bickering and more harmony in the world it is a better version of the song…
Anything you can do,
I can do exactly the same
I can do anything
The same as you.Yes you can.
I know I can. So do I.
Yes, you do. You do too.
Yes, I do,
So do I!Anything you can be
I can be too.
Sooner or later,
I’m the same as you.Yes, you are. Yes, I am.
I know you are. So do I.
You are the same!. Yes, I am.
Yes, I am!We can shoot a partridge
With a single cartridge.
We can get a sparrow
With a bow and arrow.
We can live on bread and cheese.
And only on that?
Yes.
So can a rat!
Any note you can reach
I can reach too.
I can sing anything
The same as you.
Yes you can. (High)
Yes, I can. (As high) Yes you can. (Higher)
Yes, I can. (As high) Yes you can. (Higher)
Yes, I can. (As high) Yes you can. (Higher)
Yes, I can. (As high) Yes you can. (Highest)
Yes, I CAN! (Equal Highest)Anything you can buy
I can buy for the same price.
I can buy anything
For the same price as you.Fifty cents?
Fifty cents! Thirty cents?
No fifty cents! So you can!
Yes, I can,
Yes, I can!
Anything you can say
I can say as softly.
I can say anything
As softly as you.
Yes you can. (Softly)
Yes, I can. (As soft) Yes you can. (Softer)
Yes, I can. (As soft) Yes you can. (Softest)
Yes, I can. (Equal softest)
YES, I CAN! (Full volume)
I can drink my liquor
Faster than a flicker.
I can drink it as quick
And get equally sick!
I can open any safe.
Without bein’ caught?
Sure.
That’s what I thought–
You crook just like me!
Any note you can hold
I can hold as long.
I can hold any note
As Long than you.Yes you can
Yes, I can. Yes you can.
Yes, I can. Yes you can.
Yes, I can
Yes, I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I Yes, you C-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-N–
(Cough, cough!)
Maybe you caaan’t!Anything you can wear
I can wear too.
In what you wear
I’d look just like you.
In my coat?
In your vest! In my shoes?
In your hat! Yes you can!
Yes, I can
Yes, I CAN!
Anything you say
I can say as fast.
I can say anything
Equally as fast as you.
I’m sure you can. (Fast)
Yes, I can. (As Fast) I know you can. (Faster)
So do I. (As Fast) So do I. (Fastest)
So do I! (Equally Fastest)
I can jump a hurdle.
I can jump a hurdle.
I can knit a knit one too!
I can do most anything!
Can you bake a pie? Yes.
So can I.
Anything you can sing
I can sing as sweetly.
I can sing anything
As sweetly as you.
Of course you can. (Sweetly)
You know I can. (As Sweet) You know I know. (Sweeter)
You know I know you know I know. (As Sweet) Yes I know you know i know. (Sweeter)
Yes, I do. (As sweet) And you can (Sugary)
Yes, I can, can, can (As Sugary)
Categories
My tribute to Radio 2 type music
There was a young man with a song,
Which would last him his whole life long,
But the song was absurd,
And it shouldn’t be heard, Thus proving the Carpenters wrong
But the song was absurd,
And it shouldn’t be heard, Thus proving the Carpenters wrong
[i.e you should worry if you create a song that is not good enough for anyone else to hear especially if it has lots of children going lalalalala]
The hedgehog is a happy little chap who dances for a wheeze
But dont you get too near to him as he is full of fleas
Monday – I actually found out what macrame is. heard the name, knew it was some sort of craft thing that I would never do but wasn’t sure if it was done with card, tissue paper or paint. Turns out you need cord but I am probably the only one who didn’t know this. (I don’t know if it is possible to make macrame clothes actually…)
Tuesday – The fastest hatrick in the FA Cup was 3 minutes in 1968 by Billy Best of Southend. Also the 22nd and 24th President of the USA was the same man.
Wednesday – It is possible to make macrame clothing – and some people do not know that pigs have male and female
Thursday – If I got two promotions I would not have to make my own tea
Friday – Sainsbury’s in Taunton has a resident robin
Saturday – Holding a pencil between your teeth can make you happy
Sunday – there are 28 varieties of rabbitfish, and they are probably all uglier than rabbits
Monday – Mustard and cabbage are related, Mustard could have come from a tree for all I knew until today. Yet somehow I think I should have known mustard didnt come from trees. (I learnt what colour Teal was today too, but I have a hunch that I had come accross it before and had just forgotten so this would not have counted).
Tuesday – Bristol City’s biggest home defeat was 8-0 in 1926, but they made a brave attempt at beating that record against Cardiff today but fell 2 goals short
Wednesday – Scoville heat units (SHUs) measure chilli heat, hottest being about 1 million SHUs (Bhut Jolokia chilli)
Thursday – Maria Anne Smith was the person who the Granny Smith was named after – and the Bunty Annual of 1970 thought that every girl would love to know this
Friday – People in the nuclear power industry prefer to use the term “stored” rather than “dumped” when referring to waste that is put in a pond
Saturday – Found an interesting and elegant proof of Ptolemy’s theorem
Sunday – the Isle of Wight railway uses old London Underground trains, and has the oldest trains on any public transport railway in the UK. Also learnt that West Ham United were the last team to come back from being 2-0 down against Manure., Would have been a bit funny if the Arse could have managed it today.
It is this months most fantabulous day,
As my account is now filled with my pay,
I have money to spend,
Maybe money to lend,*
But next week it’ll have frittered away.**
* Poetic licence. No longer in the money lending business
** More poetic licence, 1 day is more accurate