There once was a fake yank called Dan, Who was pizzas number one fan, He goes early to bed, Beer goes straight to his head, So be careful today you old man.
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Month: May 2010
Monday
The axolotl never grows up and will not undergo metamosphosis in its natural state. However a cheeky iodine injection can make its balls drop and bring it into an adult form.
Tuesday
The Oxford English Dictionary since 1911 has incorrectly dephined a siphon as something that moves liquid using atmospheric pressure. (Gravity has been doing all the work and getting none of the credit).
Wednesday
Today was the first day that I could picture Nick Clegg in my mind, without needing to see a picture of him. More useful is probably the knowledge that Van Helsing’s first name was Abraham.
Thursday
The RSPB was set up to protect the great crested grebe. Also parakeets have set up home and living in the UK wild and free from BNP politicians.
Friday
Nick Clegg once burnt a professor’s cacti when an exchange student in Germany at the age of 16 and had to do community service.
Saturday
In cricket if the ball hits a helmet on the way to a boundary you score 5 runs only, you do not score 9 (5+4). I knew about the 5 runs but was not sure about whether like wides and no balls you would get a further 4. Also Boobby McFerrin’s voice is the only sound you here on a certain track of his, no instruments. So “Don’t worry, be happy”.
Sunday
Until today England had never won an ICC world cup of any type. Now they have won one. I found out the name of the Schengen agreement, which is suprisingly the Schengen agreement. I also found out what Montgomery Glands are.
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Homophonic Sheep
There once was a fluffy old ewe,
Who didn’t eat grass under a yew,
She said to her son,
It does not get much sun,
And is not quite as nutritious for you.
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Homophonic Theatre Limerick
The theatre was full of beer scents,
And drunk actors were not making sense,
The audience smelt booze,
Hence the actors got boos,
The tickets werent worth more than 2 cents.
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Homophonic Wedding Limerick
Said the groom to the priest “I’ll,
Watch my bride walk down the aisle,
My love will not alter,
As we stand by the altar,
And we’ll honeymoon on some remote isle.”
I was eating some Doritos with dip,
When I found that the salsa did drip,
The tomato then met,
With the clean white carpet,
It is a mess and made the place look a tip.
Monday
I was told two jokes one with the punchline Wong and one with the punchline Dragon Lips. Neither are particularly PC but the last one is particularly not PC. Also discovered an efficient method of raffle ticket folding. Also in the ICC twenty20 five overs is enugh for a game.
Tuesday
Spam was named as it contains pork and ham (and is jokingly referred to as “something that poses as pork and ham”). Yet another “cat poo” coffee fact, it is pronounced coo-pee loovuck (not Loowak).
Wednesday
This is becoming coffee obsessed, but today i found out how freeze dried coffee is made. Bet its not as nice as Kopi Luwak. I did leanr too that Tottenham will be part of this years top 4 who have champions league fun to look forward to. (Avoiding election news).
Thursday (General Election Day)
I was going to avoid any political lessons for this week (I had already read manifestos etc so got all that out of my system). However today i learnt that you are not allowed to wear a rosette to the polling station when casting your vote. You can get totally drunk and wasted before you vote though.
Friday
Today I learnt that there is a consitutional procedure when a general election ends up in a hung parliament.
Saturday
I found out that a nurdle is a plastic pellet as well as something a batsman can do in cricket. Also Joseph is Michael Jackson’s middle name, although I should have noticed this earlier.
Sunday
Louise Redknapp’s maiden name is Nurding.
If an amphibian is something that’ll suit,
There’s a salamander that is a beaut, Its cute little smile, Wins by a mile, Overall the axolotl is cute.
There’s a salamander that is a beaut, Its cute little smile, Wins by a mile, Overall the axolotl is cute.
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The Best Ever Animal Alphabet
Obscure Animal Alphabet is far better than an HD one I came accross last summer.
There once was a team called Chelsea Who this year won Premiership number 3* Today they scored 8 In a game that was great And Man U are second hee hee hee
*Chelseas first league win was under the old system when it was not called the premiership and people used to stand and watch the game in flat caps. I am proud of the history but four did not rhyme with hee and art is art.