Author: mc

Categories
Limerick

Animals F-J

F

There once was an old sweaty fox
Who was ill when he caught chicken pox
Was it a hen he ate?
Or maybe just fate?
Or a disease from his damp smelly socks?

G

There once was a baby giraffe
Who was age one and a half
With a silly walk
Or the way he did talk
He would make other animals laugh

H

There once was a sneaky young horse
Whose jokes contained plenty of sauce
When in the mood
He would be so rude
And use language that was rather coarse

I

There once was a green iguana
Who decided to live in Guyana
That was until
He moved to Brazil
To make friends with a sexy pirhana

J

There once was noisy jackdaw
Who had chewing gum in his left claw
He had chewed it a bit
And then threw a fit
When he found he was stuck to the floor
Categories
Limerick

Animals A-E

A

There once was a long nosed young aardvark,
Who was not quite so happy in the dark,
But during the day,
He would jump and play,
And dance in a skirt made of bark.

~~~~~~~~~~~

B

There once was a fat little bee,
Who decided to fly to the sea,
He lay in the sun,
Ate an ice bun,
Which was perfect with his cup of tea.

~~~~~~~~~~~

C

There was such a mysterious cat,
Who lived a happy life in Montserrat,
He refused to diet,
If it was food he’d fry it,
He didn’t exercise and so he grew fat.

~~~~~~~~~~~

D

There once was a small dopey dog,
Who liked to play down by a bog,
He would get all dirty,
Then terribly flirty,
With a dainty cute sexy young frog.

~~~~~~~~~~~

E

In the sea there lived an electric eel,
Who troubled anyone who would feel,
If you gave him a knock,
You would get a huge shock,
And your skin would then blister and peel.

Categories
Limerick

The manipulative tart

There was a lady who made people sore,
As around her they did more and more,
And all the while,
She’d just sit and smile,
That lazy manipulative whore.
Categories
Minutes of meetings

April Area Meeting

minutes2

Sunny Lessons April 12th-April 18th

Monday – Exciting news as I learnt something from someone aged 2. Peppa pigs brother is called George. I also learnt how a windmill arm action can help you to balance on a trampoline and how to bounce back up from a sitting position.

Tuesday – The actor who played Peter in Jesus Christ Superstar is better known for his work in Pornographic films as both an actor and director.

Wednesday – Xeme is a type of arctic gull

Thursday -Little’s theorem that I assumed was a sort of obvious probability theorem in queueing theory is called Little’s theorem. I apologise to Little for not knowing the theorem was his.

Friday – Plato was named because is head was flat (like a plateau). Pet passports were originally a monster raving looney party idea (I knew votes for 18 year olds was already).

Saturday – Rochdale Football Club before today had not had a promotion since 1969 so congratulations to them

Sunday – I learnt that tambourine and timbrel essentially are the same thing (despite the protestations of those Britains Got Talent hopefuls).

Categories
Limerick

Modern Medusa

There once was a medusa who could,
Turn a man into stone where he stood,
Nowadays cameras,
When pointed at actors,
Can turn some of them into wood.
Categories
Doodles Limerick

When Aliens Land and Steal All The Men…

There will come a time soon I think when,
Some will take pity on us nagged ones and then,
Some kind beings benign,
Who will treat us quite fine,
Will come to Earth and rescue all of the men.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then ladies will have to open their own jars,
As we have fun up amongst all the stars,
You’ll be forgotten,
Missing us something rotten,
And you’ll then have to then park your own cars.

alien invasion

Categories
Doodles

More Shakespeare on Love

love is a smoke 001

Categories
Limerick

If Edward Lear had written Sonnets…

Instead of…

There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said ‘It is just as I feared! –
Two Owls and a Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!’

Maybe He would have wrote…

There was a Man with a very long beard,
That grew not only long but ever so bushy
Who said “It’s dreadful and just as I feared! –
My life is so annoying and not at all cushy
Two Tawny Owls and a Speckled Red Hen,
Nine Black Head Gulls and six little Sparrows
Four noisy Larks and a sweet little Wren,
Eight Canadian Geese and two tiny Swallows
And finallly a coinfident red chested robin
Have all come to stay and all built their nests
In my beard causing my chin to be throbbin’
They are really nasty annoying pests
So I will at last let my beard be shorn
Will sleep much better when its quiet at dawn“

Which leads me to conclude…

There was an old man called Lear
Whose limericks some people hold dear
In the form of  a sonnet
The extra lines on it
Would make the rhyme sound somewhat queer

More lessons April 5th – 11th

Monday –  Tony Hancock comitted suicide by overdose in Australia and his ashes were flown back in first class.

Tuesday – Learnt a method for cleaning frying pans with food stuck on them

Wednesday – According to Plato man and woman were seperated by angry gods, this is the reason that we are always searching for our other half… (btw according to Dawkins we ought to forget all this and just be proud that all our ancestors procreated).

Thursday – Unilever who own marmite have their registered office in Leatherhead, where I used to go swimming when I was younger. Also newspaper is good for cleaning windows, as is vinegar.

Friday – Outside Flook House in Toy Town the toilets are now closed. Apparantly people have taken to protesting about this by using the grounds just outside flook house.

Saturday – A hand = 4 inches

Sunday – Wetherspoon pubs will soon be open at 7 am in the morning, for breakfast – maybe soon for more than breakfast enabling the old drunks to start their day even earlier.