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New Years Resolutions 2013 Snakes

The Hissing and Slithering Rabbit

Rabbits are famous for their speed and mating ability. Although a legless version is not as quick, luckily carrots have not yet evolved legs and legless does cannot get away from bucks so quickly. These animals are remarkably lucky despite their lack of paws (after all since when has a lucky paw ever been lucky for the rabbit it was cut from?)

If snakes looked more like rabbits ophidiophobia would probably only affect carrots
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New Years Resolutions 2013 Snakes

The tiger snake

If sharks can come in tiger varieties it is only right that snakes do too. It is thought that Tiger snakes live in Australia (see http://www.australianfauna.com/tigersnake.php). However tigers tend to live in India so I think the Australian idea is a bit unlikely…

Snake snake! Burning bright, in the forest of the night...
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New Years Resolutions 2013 Snakes

The legless bull

Things that make people so angry they sit around and moan but do not actually do anything are like a red rag to a legless bull. These are magnificent creatures and easy to run away from if used in some sort of running of the bulls festival.

If you run a china shop and want a pet bull this is probably your best choice.
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New Years Resolutions 2013 Snakes

More legless animals – The rat

It has been a while coming due to the distance from where the computer lives and the neares scanner (over 10 metres). However here is a rat that without legs has managed to get round the maze and get to its cheese…

The friend of the lazy rat catcher (although unlikely to follow piping musicians in Hamelin)
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New Years Resolutions 2013 Snakes

Dogs Missing Body Parts

Dogs with no noses are famous for their comedy value. Less well known is the following joke:

Man* 1:My dog rolls around in stinking refuse

Man 2: How does he smell

Man 1: With his nose

Incidentally the “no nose joke” was the most popular out of a range of unfunny jokes such as:

Man 1: My dog has no liver

Man 2: how does he detoxify his blood and synthesise proteins?

Man 1: Badly

And the one most relevant to snake like dogs…

Man 1: My dog has no legs

Man 2: How does he run?

Man 1: Awfully

These dogs can be easily trained, but they take the command “heel” to be a bit insensitive.

(* Women would not waste their time with crap jokes**)

(** Not when there are jobs around the house to do)

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New Years Resolutions 2013 Snakes

Monkey Business

Nobody can ever go through life without asking themselves what would a monkey look like if he had no arms or legs. I am pleased to present my response to that age old and often asked question:

This is biologically weird, blue trees are very rare
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New Years Resolutions 2013 Snakes

Legless Ram

Following the horse in the Chinese Zodiac is the Ram. A legless ram or sheep is known as a cloud, and can often be seen flying in the sky…

Common species of legless sheep are cumulus (from the latin for legless sheep) and cumulonimbus (from the latin for nimble legless sheep).

Beware of the Cumulonimbus legless sheep who when threatened can attack with bolts of lightning
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New Years Resolutions 2013 Snakes

A legless Horse

To celebrate the forthcoming year of the snake, here is a black and white photo of a horse without any legs.

I apologise for anyone who was hoping to see a horse under the influence of too much alcohol but what sort of sick person wants to see that?

Legless horses are rubbish at showjumping, but on a positive note are perfectly safe to stand behind if you are worried about horse kicks.

 

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Dragons New Years Resolutions 2012

Chinese Zodiac – The Rabbit

If you were born in the year of the rabbit then you really need to get some therapy to get your hormones under control. We all like a bit of friskiness every so often but there is such a thing as going too far. Put some ice on it and calm down by choosing a hobby such as embroidery.

Rabbits are not masters of disguise and look like rabbits whatever their disguise. It probably explains why rabbits do not make good spies.
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Dragons New Years Resolutions 2012

Chinese Zodiac – The Tiger (v1)

According to legend a great banquet for the animals was held by god. The rat deceived the cat telling the cat that the banquet would be the day after. the cat overslept, missed the banquet and a place in the zodiac. However the tiger is part of the zodiac representing the cat family, although cats have been trying to sneak into the zodiac ever since…

People born in the year of the tiger are rare, and may find their genitals are useful for chinese medicine.

Tigers are very rare, I think this must be an even rarer white tiger based on the lack of orange colouring. It is hard to be sure underneath the very cunning dragon disguise.