Mike's World (brain farts and other adventures)If you love the four times table, the Olympic Games (not the cold one) is the sporting occasion for you.*
I was interested in the fact that the Olympic rings are meant to represent all the colours on any flag of the world.
For example that great Olympic country Russia has a flag that is red white and blue, represented by the red ring, the blue ring and the white background. Here highlighted in pharmeceuticals and faecal brown…
*or the Euros if you are not English
If you were born in the year of the rabbit then you really need to get some therapy to get your hormones under control. We all like a bit of friskiness every so often but there is such a thing as going too far. Put some ice on it and calm down by choosing a hobby such as embroidery.
According to legend a great banquet for the animals was held by god. The rat deceived the cat telling the cat that the banquet would be the day after. the cat overslept, missed the banquet and a place in the zodiac. However the tiger is part of the zodiac representing the cat family, although cats have been trying to sneak into the zodiac ever since…
People born in the year of the tiger are rare, and may find their genitals are useful for chinese medicine.
According to the Chinese Zodiac Kate Beckinsale is bovine. Female cattle are renowned for having splendid udders so this is probably a sort of sexist compliment…
Am a bit behind in posting them however I am pleased to report I achieved one of this years new resolutions (Chinese Zodiac signs disguised as dragons). Shall post the last few over the next few days…
People born in the year of the rat* tend to carry life threatening plagues such as black death and Weil’s disease. there again they do work with scientists helping them find cures for all sorts of other diseases so on the whole they probably are good for health.
Apparently you are only ever 6 metres away from the nearest person born in the year of the rat. This makes the rat very much like f*****g Starbucks that seems like you are only ever 6 metres away from.
*approximately 1960 + 12n where n is an integer unless you are born in January maybe then you have to look in wikipedia the fount of all knowledge.
To those born in 1899, 1911, …1899+12n…, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007 you are a bit of a porker. *
* If you were born in January you are not a pig-you are a bitch or a son of a bitch (see previous post).
This is either the best or the worst of all the signs. If you are born in this year you are either a bitch, or you have bollocks that rival the knees of a bee.*
Just remember to walk once a day and to scoop up your mess when you do.
If you were born in 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005 or will be born in 2017 the chances are that according to the Chinese horoscope you are a cock…
((It is possible to be a cock without being born in the year of the rooster, e.g Sepp Blatter)
People born in the year of the monkey tend to eat a lot of bananas, swing from trees and defecate on cars in safari parks…
It was claimed that you cannot get better than a Kwik Fit Fitter (by Kwik Fit of course). I decided to put this to the test by putting a Kwik Fit Fitter against a Cheetah in a 100m dash. Unfortunately it turns out that he is no better than the tiger who was entered alongside him in the heats…
